hmm, how to start, well, with a question i supose, has anyone else here experienced what it means to lose ones soul? i felt once that i had lost mine, i had been betrayed by my best friend for twelve years, used to evil ends, deliberately convinced that i was worth nothing and that all hope was a lie,persuaded to participate in the destruction of others( by persuading me that it was for their own good, that the actions we took would benefit them in the long run and they ONLY looked like they were falling apart and then that destroying them was the first step in remaking them) and myself, cut off from friends, family,and anyone that could or would help me in any way. I was an un-witting recruiter for a new cult and my friend for years was the cult leader. I had lost everything, friends, family, job, money,was living on the street at the end, and could not even remember my own past, who i was or what i wanted or even if these things were important. i was raw in a way i cannot describe, i was very empathic to begin with, and this ability was maxed out, and i was so raw i could not handle even the slightest painful emotion from any living thing around me, and not even plants were excluded. At the end when i thought i would rather not exist, and that my soul was forever lost to me, i simply lay down and waited, but fortunately i have a good survival instinct that made me keep moving, mostly against my will, but moving nonethess, and felt like a failure in that too, i couldnt even DIE! i simply could not lie down and die, therefore i must live, so i decided to break all the rules, and by doing so, broke a lot of the programming that bound me. What i am describing is a focussed destructive programming by a cult leader, believe me, everything i am telling you is the gods honest truth, this was about four years ago, there are monsters out there that will convince you that you have no soul and thus trick you into giving it up to them. I found mine, by accident, or by a miracle, and have since began the long painful process of putting myself back together, slowly and with great care and sometimes insane risk and a lot of fear involved, but what i am asking of yuo now is this" Has Anyone else ever experienced anything likethis? And what did YOU do to pull yourself back together, or are doing? this isnt your normal post , i know, and i apologize if this is uhhh....too out there , its difinitely not comfortable for me, but i thought if there was anyone out there that had experienced something like this i would be appreciative for any insight, and would be happy to share mine. I feel like i owe something to others for the part i played, even though it was entirely not of my choice, i have never been a cruel or wicked person and i would never KNOWINGLY participate in someones destruction although i have watched many of my former friends walk down this exact same path and were not as fortunate as i to escape. Any thoughts?
posted by:
Wanderingwolf
Orlando
  • I don't think it's possible for a person to truly lose their soul, but they can certainly cut themselves off from it. I have come close to doing that in a few situations, but it was so unbearably painful and WRONG-feeling that I instead had to break away from the forces pushing me in that direction. The last time I found myself in a situation like that, I broke down and spent a couple months lost in myself, doing pretty much nothing but sleeping and hiding out in my bedroom, until my family and close friends were able to start drawing me out again. I spent the next year in a sortof self-discovery mode, so maybe I understand a little bit of what you have before you.

    My best suggestion is this: get to know yourself (your soul) again. Re-discover the little things - what foods you like, what makes you smile, what brings a tear to your eyes, what you know, what you are good at, what you dream. Start thinking about your childhood, the person you imagined you would become, the aspirations and pursuits you focused on. Imagine that you are going through another adolescence, learning who you are and where you fit in to the world.

    If you welcome it back into your life, your soul will respond, and perhaps you'll discover that it really has been with you the whole time (what do you think made you live when you thought you wanted to die?)
  • I've had a similar experience, not quite so stark as yours but far worse to start off with: I betrayed myself. It destroyed me to the degree that I lost everything that ever meant anything to me, including my own sence of self and sanity. My soul shattered into pieces; and once I'd survived myself, the process of recovery was a tedious path, feeling like I had to start from less than zero. (Not very nice for the adult-ego) The few facts that I can offer you as comfort are: There is the story of burning up one's last karma - in these exellerated times we are living in now, this often happens in the form of explosions (quite literal). The person who experiences such has been stiched up to do so by their own Higher Self - it feels unfathomable while it's happening and you feel utterly lost - but essentially you are never presented with a challenge which you do not have the power to meet. While you may have been streched, pushed over your edges, crossed your own bottom-line principles and felt weaker than weak or 'a complete failure' - actually this experience speaks of great strength - for it is a chance to demonstrate to yourself what you truly got in you in overcoming this great abyss. It is referred to as 'The Dark Night of the Soul', and not everybody pulls themselves through and out of it. The fact that you haven't given up on yourself for no reason other than life itself, is a sign of great willpower. If you can find acceptance and forgiveness, you have the chance to return with great gifts from the whole ordeal. Also, there are forces out there that are beyond ourselves - they are invested in sucking your energy dry and sometimes even take over their victim's body (possession) - they are attracted by low self-concepts, feed off emotionality and invade the mind. Watch out for these - you don't wanna give yourself up to them. I hope this was helpful to you and wish you good luck on your journey.
  • I agree with Lady... I don't think you can truly lose your soul. I believe we cover it up with illusions and dellusions then forget where we've placed it. And I agree with Felicity... It is a tedious road back, but what an adventure. I think that its not about searching for something out there, its about uncovering what already is.
    • But of course without reading the other replies it is clear that
      your primary concern is with guilt - most likely from a serious
      religious up bringing. People simply give their power away
      because they are essentially lazy and expect that the truth
      can be handed to them on a silver platter. We do not see
      the most simple and ever present reality of Oneness because
      we disire to be somehow transformed from our inherent human
      conditioned mentality. Yet today it is much easier to unplug from
      this Matrix than at any time in history, unfortunately the prefered
      method is in the pursuit of power that too often in the end is
      a self limiting proposition. No one can do this work for us and
      yet there is the very real need for useful information hopefully
      from a Master - not one who is after gain or profit.

      "With the spirit knowing and the mind clear, inwardly cultivating
      and subtly refining, clear about action and acting with clarity,
      one's illumination will grow day by day."

      "When illumination and action are applied in concert, practice of
      the Tao is very easy."

      freedom from partiality and bias
      know when to go forward
      know when to withdraw
      forsee peril forstale danger
      with the mind of Tao
      the spirit is knowing
      the joy of harmony is good

      imported joy delights
      in externals
      if one is self satisfied
      finding joy only in strength
      but not in yielding
      strong but unhappy
      one will lose out
      in the end
      natrual brilliance
      presumes upon
      talent or status
      hates to hear
      honest words



      Essentially we all have a choice
      where the path of high adventure
      is concerned, and yet the
      potential for misuse of intent
      creates yet another prison
      where freedom may not be found.

      Would it not be better if we
      were free to choose the path
      of the inward way? Which is
      not to say that we are
      rendered powerless in our
      quest for freedom, quite the
      contrary. We are commended
      to be the master of controlled
      folly. "To be shaken lose from
      the debilitaing restraints of
      our social conditioning, and to be
      given back confidence in one's own
      worth and in one's own potential,
      is a great gift indeed, and yet
      even this gift pales into
      insignificance next to the
      gift of transformation..."
      T.M.

      Rising Up

      Accumulate virtue
      study widely
      with serious intent
      everyday improve
      precedents of speech
      with action
      To emulate
      the sages of yore
      question earnestly
      think for yourself
      fulfill nature
      reach the meaning of life
      stable as a mountain
      permanent as heaven
      strong in stillness
      resting in the highest good

      "Practioners of the Tao should carefully develope
      immense energy, and combine duty with right action,
      so that they may attain to perfect truthfulness
      without error."

      The Taoist I-Ching


      "After a long time, the five elements will merge and
      sublimate, body and mind are both refined, merging with
      the Tao in reality."

      "Not forgetting the fundamental, is like making a great
      sacrafice to offer to heaven; it will not fail to bring
      about good fortune."

      "But the way to make a great sacrafice and bring about
      good fortune cannot be accomplished simply by a moment
      of emptiness; it is necessary to tread the ground of
      reality step by step before one can achieve it. If
      you know but do not act on it, it is the same as not
      knowing..."

      "The value of knowledge is only in its application."

      "When this primal energy appears, this is what is
      called the 'living midnight' in our bodies. At this
      time we are merged in the qualities of heaven and earth,
      joined with the light of sun and moon, harmonized with
      the order of the seasons. This is the gate of yin and
      yang, door of life and death, the wellspring of essence
      and life, the alchemical furnace."

      "The original energy of primordial true yang is herein:
      Those who know it diligently cultivate it, restoring the
      primordial within the temporal."

      The Taoist I-Ching



      zephyl.proboards86.com/index.cgi




      excerpt:
      Yes, on first encounter the Castaneda material,
      that whole seperate reality mystique, can be a
      very heady experience breaking the bonds of
      conventional conditioning but where do you
      find it's practical applications? much the same
      as any true discipline the true meaning is
      hidden and most folks add to or take away
      whatever is convenent to fit their own personal
      mind set, the most popular of which today is
      the magikal way of being in a somewhat
      shamanic frame of mind. And to speak against
      this nacromancy in todays pagan hierarcy is
      tantamount to heresy. Simple as that and so
      all things dissolve into this melting pot of
      sorcery with little regard for true alchemy. imho



      "Illumination that is not revealed is better than
      illumination that is openly employed; this illumi-
      nation has no form or trace."

      "Once one has advanced to illumination, inside and
      out are lucid and clear, then one can conceal one's
      illumination and nurture it unbeknownst to others."

      "Only then can it be said the fire returns to the
      origin, a mass of harmonious energy, which has
      energy but no substance, the original spirit of
      innate knowledge and capacity unobscured."

      Produce being
      within nonbeing
      spontaniously
      without forced
      effort
      living energy
      is stored within
      flowing from
      a deep source
      the earthly
      and celestial
      are in mutual
      harmony

      "When great rivers are crossed beneficially, one enters
      from striving into nonstriving: essence and life are
      both realized, and one is physically and mentally
      sublimated; merging with the Tao into reality."

      "The gain or loss of illumination is a matter of
      reversal or submission to conditioning."

      "Inner accord is the path of reversal of conditioning;
      outer accord is the path of submission to conditioning."

      "Where there is illumination darkness disappears."

      The Taoist I-Ching

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